It turns out that root beer is the best kind of soda drink imaginable. Seriously, I just proved it today ontologically.
Now, on to the topic at hand. I have before me a keyboard and computer, but slightly off to my left (your west) I have a box of Nabisco brand Barnum's Animals variety Crackers. On it I see various adult male animals, with their respective young, all horribly out of proportion.
While these animal crackers may be a good source of calcium, they are unfortunately also a good source of the taste of old man's butt marinated in clover honey.
Seriously, I bought the box because I remembered liking them, but it turns out that they are freaking gross, so I could never have liked them for their taste. I must have been fooled into wanting them because of the cool box they came in. Little kids are stupid by definition, so it stands to reason that in my child form I was drawn to eat disgusting crackers.
I mean, it used to be a special event in my yet unformed mind when we went out to a grownups' restaurant, because on the way we stopped at McDonald's and I got a cardboard house-shaped box with molded pieces of fried particleboard chicken, French fries, and a "toy" that was not fun to play with and that could not, or would not, interact with any of my actual toys that I already had plenty of back at home.
I was going to save the box, but now I'm getting rid of it, and I'm not even going to recycle it because I don't want to live in fear that my next grocery bag will be made from 75% post consumer marinated butt.
The end.
3 comments:
It turns out that you've learned an important lesson about living in a society where consumerism and marketing are our drugs of choice.
You can't judge a cookie by the box.
No matter how much it seems like eating from the Barnum's box will recreate a trip to the zoo, it'll leave you wanting more. In fact, you'd better just strap on the fanny pack and head out to the wild animal park.
I rescind any past view of mine or anyone else for that matter, that Kelly Anonymous is not the most influential thinker of the 21st and maybe the 23rd century(ies).
So the legend is true then, we have found among the living one from the lost line of the great Anonymous.
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