Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Hiss, A Piss, A Screen Door, Roodneercsassipassiha

Get a load of this story:

For years my mom tried to convince my dad that a neighborhood cat was regularly peeing on their front door, thus explaining a discoloration at the door's base. The conversations would go something like this:

"I'm telling you, there's a cat peeing on the door. It pees on the screen and it's getting on the door."

"...uh huh."

Her theory was, of course, ridiculous, except for the fact that a cat has indeed been peeing on their front door. This was confirmed when my parents removed the screen door in anticipation of replacing it, and my dad found a puddle of cat piss in the doorway the next morning.

A couple of days later I was delivering pizzas when I noticed two strange devices plugged into a customer's porch outlet. They were dome-shaped objects about two inches around and extended about an inch from the outlet. At first I thought they might be nightlights, but then I remembered that is was night and not light. I asked the customer about them as he signed the receipt.

"Oh, those... we had voles," he said, and explained that the devices emitted a frequency that repelled the voles but didn't bother people.

"Do they work on cats?" I asked.

"On cats? I don't know," he said. "Out here we've got coyotes... those work on cats."

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Trailer For My Next Blog Post About My New Job

John continued to explain the filter count change sheet.

"And here you'll circle N or A for whether it's actual or nominal."

I stared at the paper, and then at John. He continued.

"It's almost always going to be nominal. I don't think I've ever had to order a frame that was actually, you know, 20x25 or 16x20."

"I don't, know what you're talking about," I said. "What's nominal."

"Nominal? You know, 'nominal,' like with a 2x4?"

I stared at John, and then at the paper. He stared at me.

"I, um...," he said. "I don't know how to explain it in 'geek.'"