Friday, April 29, 2005

Before a certain bug was intimately introduced to my windshield, I am sure it was what you would call a "juicy bug." Right now I am not sure which part of it you would call the actual bug, but the juicy is all over my windshield.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

I have an amazing ability to make my friends look like druggies in all of my pictures, I just thought you might like to know that. Have a good one hehe :)

I Have More in Common with Chickens than I Thought

The following story/soul searching will be presented in the latest edition of student preacher format. Two apparently unrelated tidbits will be introduced; one will be boring but truthful and the other will be entertaining and random. After the two stories are told they will be linked in a way that no one is really sure they ought to be.

I recently came out of a spell of apathy toward all aspects of my life. There is not a precise moment in time that I can point to when it clicked in my mind, but I can narrow it down and say the process took about three days, five conversations and two late assignments.

I have never raised chickens, but I have eaten many, and I like to be familiar with what I am eating, unless what I am eating is mayonnaise-based or has active cultures, in which case I prefer ignorance so that I can enjoy the food. Chickens are not a mayonnaise-based or active culture... toting? food product, so I am familiar with them. On top of that I watch a lot of cartoons. All this is to say that I am under the impression that chickens identify the first living thing (and sometimes not-living thing) they see as their mother, and they follow it as long as they are young enough to do "that sort of thing."

When I hatched from my shell of despondence, the first thing I saw was Splinter Cell 3: Chaos Theory. Now that I care about life again, all I want to do is play a stupid video game. I am not getting caught up in my classes because of a video game. What is that all about?

So where do we go from here? Well, I don't know about you, but I will be doing all of my Optimal Health work, and not playing Splinter Cell.

You are welcome for the happy ending.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Today is 4-20. Here is a pot, and a college student with long hair. Whoa, dude, that is sick man, you're crazy... this is totally like that one movie. You know, the one with that guy who can disappear. Yeah, that chick was hot.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

My desk lamp is a dirty cheat, and a thief. I let him into my home, and gave him food off of my table, and this is the thanks I get? It's a good thing for him that it gets dark at night.

This One Didn't Even Make Me Laugh

I finally got around to reading the warning sticker that is adhered to the cord of my desk lamp, and I want to tell you about it, and I think now is a good time... I hope you have a minute.

Please note that the following quotation marks are not being added to designate that I am quoting directly from the sticker. The quotation marks are part of the original document. For clarity I will italicize the quoted portion. The next paragraph will be the cord sticker document in its entirety.

"WARNING" "RISK OF FIRE / INJURY TO PERSONS. Keep away from combustibles. Turn off / unplug to change bulb. Do not touch bulb. Do not operate without complete bulb enclosure in place or if lens is damaged." "THE LAMP SHOULD BE UNPLUGGED BEFORE REPLACING THE BULB." MADE IN CHINA (emphasis added, see above)
("warning sticker" cord: desktop halogen task lamp issue number BJ-91,767)

Forgive me if I failed to site the sticker properly, but there is no entry for warning stickers in my MLA handbook. What I find more appalling is that the sticker is obviously quoting a warning from another source, yet it makes no effort to give any credit to the original author.

I believe something needs to be done about this if the integrity of desk lamp warning stickers is to be maintained. I would go on, but it is late, and I am tired, and I just finished transcribing my desk lamp's warning sticker.

Because I Know Heads of State Read My Blog

Fidel Castro commended the pope today for helping the poor. Way to go Castro, but your funeral still won't be as big. Speaking of funerals, you need to get on that Fidel. Breaking your knee was a good start, but I think the world is ready for the next step.

Monday, April 04, 2005

My Daily Copout in Three Lines

If my life is a song
I’m stuck in the instrumental
And I’m sick of the solo.