Losers Never Quit: Your Video Guide To Anything But This

Part 1: "It's not you, The Present, it's me..."

So you're finally ready to quit your job as a pizza delivery driver. Congratulations! And good for you. You could have waited another two months and made it a solid three years at the same dead end, but you're choosing to Move On. You might be moving on because you have:

- secured a better opportunity
- secured another opportunity
- sustained a serious injury

or simply

- stopped hating yourself so much

Whatever the specific reason or reasons, you're quitting to Win! Yes, the future can be scary, but the future is—maybe not so much yours as—well at least it's not Theirs.

Part 2: "We need to talk, The Past. I've met someone else..."

Look at you over there with your new job offer. Aren't you a fantastic pair.

Getting a new job is really the best way to leave your old job, so way to go. You're strolling through life down the path marked "awesome." What's more, training starts in two days, and you just found out today, so you're current boss is going to be pissed something fierce. This will be not-good-but-great news if you:

- hate your boss (as a boss, not as a person)
- hate your boss (as a person? Do you...hate...people...?)
- hate working alongside the boss's alcoholic narcissistic best buddy
- regularly fantasize about leaving without giving any notice at all

These are all great reasons, and you can probably think up some more on your own. But being excited about the possibility of quitting on short notice does not prepare you for the reality of quitting on short notice. In a moment, your instructor will be distributing a handout to help you practice the most likely scenario of giving your boss two days notice. If possible, break into groups of three and act out the provided scene, then discuss your experience as a class. Your instructor may have additional directions. Now, pause the tape, and hit play again when you are ready for Part 3.

Supplementary Handout:

EMPLOYEE has just received a job offer on a day off and needs to tell BOSS as soon as possible. Having learned that BOSS is taking a break at Best Buy, EMPLOYEE drives to Best Buy and wanders into the television section. There they see each other at the same moment. SALESPERSON waits offstage.

BOSS: Hey, what's going on?

EMPLOYEE: Hey, I actually came here looking for you. I need to talk to you. (EMPLOYEE settles into a stance almost perpendicular to BOSS'S)

EMPLOYEE notices several brochures in BOSS'S hand.

EMPLOYEE: Are you...are you with a salesperson?

BOSS: (Looking around) Yeah, can it wait?

EMPLOYEE: Uh...actually I need to tell you something right now, and you're not going to be happy about it.

SALESPERSON approaches.

BOSS: What? Are you leaving?

EMPLOYEE: Yeah.

BOSS: (Looking at SALESPERSON) When?

EMPLOYEE: Two days. I can work tomorrow and Thursday, then I start training on Friday and I'll be gone for two weeks straight.

SALESPERSON comes close enough that the three form a small triangle, unsure what is happening.

BOSS: Why...wha...why didn't you tell me...before?

BOSS clearly wants to throw a man-sized tantrum, but cannot in Best Buy. SALESPERSON stares ahead uncomfortably

EMPLOYEE: I just found out this morning. (EMPLOYEE becomes aware of the stance, something picked up from Matt Damon about standing with your gun hip away from people)

BOSS: I uh...we've got to talk later.

EMPLOYEE: Okay. (Turns to leave, then stops and turns back) Hey, do you want me to work tomorrow?

BOSS: (Definite) Yes.

EMPLOYEE turns and walks away, trying not to smile

Part 3: "Hi there, you must be The Future. My name is..."

You have reached the end of Tape 1. Insert Tape 2 for no further instructions.