Saturday, November 19, 2005

"For With God We Stand United, Bound by Love We Are."

For a number of years my school has thrown toilet paper onto the court after our basketball team scores its first point of the Homecoming game. It doesn't snow in San Diego, so the tradition is really unlike anything many of my peers have ever seen, and it tends to bring joy and mirth to all in attendance.

Unfortunately, over the course of the last two years, people have been adding sundry undesirable items to the traditional precipitate, and there was a growing concern that things would escalate.

Things really got bad when what we were doing ceased to represent the life and teachings of Jesus. Fortunately for our souls, the administration caught wind of our moral condition and rectified the tradition, in keeping with the Church's prescribed course of action, by putting it to death.

So tonight we all demonstrated the love of Jesus by not throwing anything on the court after the first point, or after any of the points for that matter. As an added bonus, I got a free T-shirt for only two dollars. Actually, it is more than a T-shirt; it is a symbol of hope and reconciliation.

The shirt is a handsome forest green, which represents New Life according to the wordless Bible, pretty much the only translation of the Gospel worth not reading. On it are the words "Represent" and "Don't throw the game away." Personally, I think the word "throw" should have been in quotes... like so.

The T in Represent is fashioned to look like a cross, the execution device used by the Romans for the basest of criminals. This is what I would call a clever suggestion. I am glad that no one chose to throw anything on the court. I am also glad that the administration chose such a tasteful way of designating the punishment for infraction.

In addition, the right sleeve proudly sports the mighty Sea Lion, our new mascot that no one ever hoped to receive, but everyone received freely nonetheless.

New life and abundant mercy given freely... it’s a good thing I have a view.

7 comments:

Two Guns said...

Oh me, you're so negative.

Do you remember when I said...

I think you should have thrown human fecies onto the court and then shouted "No one has any toliet paper, so I didn't know where to put this!" ...And THAT would have been a statement to everyone that you're not putting up with the ridiculous rules of you're school, and it would also have spoken louder than words that no one should EVER shake your hand.

Anonymous said...

I think TP-ers should be crucified and thrown into the lake of fire. Along with Two-Guns and Do You Remember When I...

Anonymous said...

I think anonymous posters who have blogspot accounts so they can log-in and not leave posts anonymously but do anyway and who use unnecessary hypens and elipses should be lined up against a wall and shot...

Two Guns said...

Oh yeah, and I get the last word here whenever I want it.

Anonymous said...

I think this is hilarious.

Enjoy! And,
Have Fun!

-kb

Jennifer said...

JBU does the tp thing, too. Only, we're classy about it. We steal the toilet paper from the Student Center. And, after its all said and thrown, we make the basketball team clean up the "precipitation." Classy, real classy. That's how we "roll" at JBU.