Tuesday, May 02, 2006

We Put Mother Nature in a Home, feedback would be lovely

The modern shady tree beside a lazy brook
Charges and syncs via USB.
Or, for more serious thinkers,
There’s the contemplative rock,
Assuming they're lucky enough to run across one
On the race to work, or class, or distraction.

But there’s nothing fashionable about rocks—
Even our paperweights
Come in etched glass and silver plate.

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

I don't like the word (is it a word?) "via" ...doesn't flow. But, eh, whaddya do?

Two Guns said...

Well, if you agree, you revise the poem. Thank you much.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather assume that "they're" lucky, but I don't have the latest version of the AP Stylebook, being in Europe and all.

Two Guns said...

Ouch. Thank you, but ouch.

So... other than that... perfect?

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing...I like it. Sort of robert frost...no, not robert frost, someone else...I'll figure it out.

:)

Saint K said...

I think it's more like if Zack De La Rocha was into poetry (and tea).

Anonymous said...

I like the new verbs. But there's some old wineskins floating around -- the subject shifts from the modern shady tree doing the action to the thinkers, right? Or are the modern shady trees the "they" who are lucky?

Two Guns said...

Old wineskins indeed. Thanks for the fresh eyes.

Two Guns said...

Er... wait... um... now, many weeks later, I am confused, which means I was also confused, but did not know it, many weeks ago. Neat.